Three Weeks in Tijuana
We have been back for a month and I can say that this has changed my life. I have never been away from home as an adult for more than a week. It is almost surreal the feeling I have for this whole experience. I can’t believe we made it all the way to Mexico to seek alternative cancer treatment for my husband. We worked so hard to get there and with everyone’s support, we are so incredibly grateful to have had this opportunity! The generosity everyone has shown is amazing! It allowed us to prove that if you really want something you can always find a way to get it. That we believed in something so strongly that we were able to achieve it. There are so many caring people in our community that were willing to help and it truly means more than I can ever say. Three weeks of therapies for Todd, being in a foreign country, sleeping in a hotel room, and making our way through it together. I have struggled to complete this post…
First of all, being in Tijuana is kind of scary. Preparing for this trip I was not very afraid, we had talked to a few people that had been there and they said that everywhere has bad neighborhoods, which is very true! But on our second day we found out that a guy was shot right outside the hotel just the day before we arrived, they had arrested the suspect but not the news we wanted to hear upon our arrival in a foreign country. Not so easy to be trusted after that tidbit of information. Although the locals were always nice with a welcoming smile. The area is very overpopulated and mostly run down. There are always tons of people everywhere and not many people speak too much English and that made things
I have always known that Todd and I have a strong bond, that nothing could come between us. However, Kloey is directly in the middle of us intentionally of coarse. I think being cooped up in the room for most of the time was the hardest for her. She was bored and she missed her friends. You know becoming a teenager and all…I would like to think that it helped her connect with us too as she didn’t really have much of a choice. She kept me company but the attitude was very hurtful to deal with while trying to heal. At times I wondered if it would have been a better choice to come without her, as much as it pains me to think so. I know that would have been a lot easier at the same time extremely rough for us, but maybe we needed that, maybe the inpatient treatment would have been better? But I figured that she has been through just as much as we had and she could use the getaway too. We cannot get trapped in the what-if scenario, or I’d be here all day!
Todd had a pretty busy schedule as far as his treatment plan went and it also allowed for him to have plenty of rest and relaxation. Although the treatments were not always relaxing, Coley’s toxins hit him with a fever and chills that were unbearable for him to handle. I can only hope that he gained some overall improvement from being there. His uncertainty with th environment definitely played a huge role in his state of mind, he was always worried about Kloey and I, in return made me feel bad for him feeling that way. Like I said, for the most part, we hung out in the hotel because we did not feel too comfortable walking around either. By the time Todd would come back each day he didn’t want to walk around. So needless to say we had a lot of
I have learned a lot from this trip. I know that we could totally live in a travel trailer or a tiny home! At least being here we would enjoy the scenery more. However, we have decided that we are going to stay put in our house for now as long as we can afford our mortgage. As much as I will miss not cooking, I can really appreciate a home-cooked meal. Knowing where my food came from and that we prepared it makes me feel better eating. As Americans, we take so much for granted! Just being able to walk around feeling safe, having drinking water because you can’t even brush your teeth with the tap water in Tijuana. People litter everywhere you go, but the amount we saw there was the worst. There is an organization that walks the beach and cleans up a couple of times a week and it’s still so bad. This reminds me that Kloey has been wanting to organize cleanups here and I need to get that arranged. The buildings along the beach were mostly damaged in some way. Our little town is surrounded by beauty, the feeling you get walking the beach here and looking up at the beautiful oceanfront property is really a sight that is underestimated. We seriously don’t appreciate how good we actually have it and cannot be understood until you see and feel it for yourself (along with so many other things in life). I missed the comfort of my own home, especially my own king size bed and I know how superficial that sounds, but sharing a double bed with either Todd or Kloey was not exactly comfortable for me or them, but at least they each got a turn at their own sleeping space. Now I could get used to not having all the responsibilities like having to wake up and be somewhere, or grocery shop, cook and house chores. At the same time it was hard to live out of a hotel room with not much privacy from each other, sharing one bathroom, and minimal entertainment. Not being able to just wash a load of clothes or go by the store and get what you need.
What I will cherish the most, besides the best shower ever, is the freedom of not having expectations on me. Instead, I was able to focus on researching, writing, reading and future endeavors for us. I was able to enjoy some time away, I was actually able to relax, something I have a really hard time doing. I think we all needed a break from our routine lifestyle to reflect on how we can better our destiny. I want to always be moving forward in my life for the greater good of myself and others around me. I haven’t always felt this way, but if we are not evolving into exceptional people then what are we doing? We know now even more how important it is to take time for yourself. Find what makes you happy, take time to do what you want, what really matters to you, and rest when you need it.
Having the time away makes you appreciate the family and true friends you have, the support that comes with the good people in your life. The joy from being around the good energy and the hope that others feel better when they are around you. At the same time, you can recognize those that you did not miss at all or even felt some relief from not being in contact with. We all have people that drag us down and weather we know it or not that impacts our health. It feels atrocious to say, but these kinds of people are crappy friends that I don’t want and certainly do not need. So I’m not going to lie, some days I’m happy to be back and there are others that wish I could escape back to where no one knows who I am because in some ways and some days it was easier. Things have been so busy since we have been back, that I haven’t had much free time at all.
Overall we do not know how we feel about the trip as a whole, whether it was worth it, and yes, we have been asked this and it hurts to admit that. I can say that we don’t regret it and I think we have ended up where we are supposed to be. There were several issues that need to be worked out with the outpatient treatment plan. However, we are looking forward to using the supply of treatments after the surgery. We have hope that they will help Todd’s body heal and fight off the circulating cancer cells. Todd’s tumors did grow while we were there and there is this possibility of the right side (and apparently nothing can be done at this point about). He is definitely more exhausted since we have been home, but I think we all have been. When you are physically and mentally drained it has allowed our thoughts to become negative and some days have definitely been harder than others. Just as long as the better days outnumber the bad, we are going in the right direction.
Please keep sharing our story and sending all the prayers and positivity you can our way. Yesterday, we drove up to Orlando for Todd’s pre-op appointment, everything seemed to go well and surgery is scheduled for 2:30 tomorrow. ❤️🙏
